My Prayer

(Journal Entry for 5/25/2010)

Search me through O Lord
For You know all my fears
Look deep within me
And relieve me of all the lost tears

I know who You are
I know You will always be
But, why O Lord is there still doubt in me
I believe with everything that I am
Yet, every time I get my life back on track
It seems that I just find myself in another jam

Lord I know I make mistakes
It seems like they just follow me
But, I want to escape this life of insecurity
I have failed so many in this life
But, I don't want to fail You again
What can I do to not mess up?
What can I do to gain trust?
I look all around and temptation seems to surround me
But, O Lord I want to be freed
I don't want to open my eyes and not see peace
But, it seems like failure hovers over me

I want to please You O Lord in everything that I do
I want You to search my heart all the way through
Tell me what you see there when You look at me
Is there any hope for anything?
I am afraid of letting You down like I have so many times before
So Lord give me the faith to just be bold
I know I don't have all the skills
But, if you accept me then I will have everything that I need
I can't face tomorrow with an ounce of doubt in my heart
So, I come to You to see where to start
I admit I am scared of what the next step may be
But I must face my fears because they have stopped me from doing many things
I don't want to disappoint You
And I know if I give up I would do just that
So, I am giving You everything I have
Just search me through O Lord
For I no longer can run from Your Words
I find myself lost and not knowing what to do
But, cleanse me O Lord, for I want to be just like You